


Abducted! By Voyeur Slugs From Outer Space!

by Sadisticsparkle (sadisticsparkle)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alien Abduction, Aliens Made Them Do It, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15829314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticsparkle/pseuds/Sadisticsparkle
Summary: It was night…He was alone in a sordid motel room…Wishing for anything to happen...But he wasn't prepared for what would happen when he was...KIDNAPPED BY CREEPY SLUGS FROM OUTER SPACE!(Spoilers: he makes out with Tony)





	Abducted! By Voyeur Slugs From Outer Space!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my bingo square 'bed sharing'. Thanks for dryce for the beta and for both the Stony Discords for the aliens names!
> 
> Check end notes for content warnings.

The bed was uncomfortable but Steve wasn't a stranger to discomfort. Discomfort had been borne into his skin the day he was born and he had never shaken it off. It was nothing he hadn't survived before.

There was too much noise, but nothing compared to the war. Dinner had been terrible - the wrong kind of greasy, too expensive, too little, too bland - but at least it was food. Heater made a rumbling noise and didn't heat the room at all, but he had enough blankets. The bed was tough, but he had slept on cold floors before.

All in all, it wasn't the Ritz, but it was enough for two days. It looked like pretty much any other hotel of its kind and smelled like it too. There were black spots on the walls and the rug smelled of tobacco and worse things. But the kind of hotel hidden in almost forgotten streets, that you knew had at least one sordid, wasteful murder a year - one of those small little murders that doesn't get books written about it -, that kind of hotel never asked for ID and never called the cops.

It wouldn't be long before he'd be able to join Sam and Nat in another city. Once he did, the drab hotel nights would at least have some laughter and Sam trying to figure out how to work the TV and Nat translating the commercials for them. Steve was never sure how accurate it was. He guessed not that much.

He had almost tracked down the mob boss. They had a tip - they were dealing some sort of hormone that'd give people weird powers. Not the kind of thing normal police could handle, so even if he suspected he was being followed, they wouldn't try to arrest him. All he had to do was fly under the radar. No big explosions, no public fights, no daring rescues. Nothing he couldn't handle.

Steve could say it was okay.

He could say that but it'd be a lie. He hadn't been okay for months, just some approximation of content. Sam had diagnosed it as 'brooding', Nat was less charitable and called it 'moping'. Steve called it 'being'.

All he could do was lose himself in the chase and give himself to the fight. His life was a sequence of repeated scenes in different exotic locales, punching different people in the face but carrying the same emptiness everywhere. Traveling and seeing the world didn't do much for forgetting, not when what you were trying to leave behind was yourself.

Steve stood up. He couldn't sleep - he hadn't even been able to sleep after Siberia, not through the night, not without dreams. The serum had enhanced his stamina and he didn't need to sleep much anyway. A few hours per night and he was good enough for a fight. That was all that mattered because he could never calm his brain long enough to sleep. He'd roll around in bed, trying to find a position that'd quench the guilt in his stomach.

It wasn't really possible - there were no ergonomics for regret. So he'd wake up and stay awake in his room - it had happened enough times Sam and Nat had asked for separate rooms. They were able to sleep. Maybe they were more used to the nightmares.

The TV was on, almost muted because he could hear well enough. Nothing of interest - commercials in a language he didn't understand for products he didn't need. He missed Nat. He missed all of them.

But maybe it wasn't just that - not just another sleepless night in a country whose name he had forgotten. _Something_ was off, something that was keeping him alert. He closed his eyes and concentrated.

Ah. There it was - a distinct whistling sound that the rumbling of the streets didn't disguise. He had never heard anything like it before and anything that surprised him was bad news. Maybe the mob boss had sent some enhanced goon to deal with him. It'd be fun or at least distracting.

He was almost dressed. All he needed to put on was the top part of his uniform and then his boots. He had learned to be even more efficient and he did it in seconds. His hand tried the nightstand and found the gun. 

He was ready. Gun in hand, his entire body taut, he stepped towards the balcony. He didn't turn on the lights. He didn't need them.

He opened the window, ready to strike, but the street was empty. Not even a stray cat. Nobody was there and there was nobody on the roofs either. Was he imagining things? Finally going crazy?

No. He knew tension. He closed his eyes again and focused on the whistling, tracking it down to above his head. He opened his eyes and looked up.

There were some blinding lights and then all he saw was darkness.

 

He wasn't in the hotel. He knew that much. The floor was colder but smoother. There were no mysterious odors, just the clean sharp smell of disinfectant. 

There was silence, silence shattered by a muttered litany of curses. A dream. He was dreaming. He knew that voice. It was Tony's and Tony hadn't called and Tony hadn't answered his letter and Tony hadn't replied to his messages. Tony was far away. Tony was home.

He had worked hard on that message. He had stared at it for entire days, trying to push his feelings down in submission. He had pored over it, chiseled it until it looked like a reasonable facsimile of a casual hello. The kind of message friends sent to each other.

Friends. They had never been friends.

He opened his eyes and turned to the sound. His heart jumped inside his chest - if his ears were deceiving him, so were his eyes. 

The hair. The eyes. The lips. They were unmistakable. Tony was there, alive and breathing and warm and still far away. He was dressed in his civvies and there was no armor in sight. His goatee wasn't as perfect as usual. Probably explained by the handcuffs. He was tied to the wall, the handcuffs keeping his arms up and his spine arched. Ignoring the heat pooling low on his belly, Steve looked down at his hands. They were free.

Interesting. 

He sat up and coughed. 'Stark?'

Tony's gaze was unfocused but then it snapped on Steve. It set Steve's blood on fire.

'Captain.'

Aloof. Controlled. Nothing like he used to be. No warm tones in his voice, no caressing looks.

He still hadn't forgiven Steve. He probably never would.

Steve deserved it.

'Are you okay?', he asked because it was… well, the only thing that mattered.

Tony shrugged and then he winced. How long had he been like that? 'You tell me. Do I look okay?'

'You look kidnapped.'

'So do you.'

Steve walked towards Tony but there was a slight sheen between them, like a screen or a hologram. Small particles of light moved up and down the purple film like fishes in the sea. He extended his hand and it hit something solid. Like he had suspected, they were separated. They always were.

'Do you have any idea...?'

'Where we are? I don't, but the aliens probably do.'

'Aliens? Are you sure? Did you realize because of the tech?'

'While I wish I could lie to you and convince you of what a genius I am, no. It wasn't the tech.' Tony made a dramatic pause. He seemed to be savoring the moment. 'Just the fact that they came around a few hours ago while you were still sleeping.'

Steve leaned against the wall. His head was still fuzzy.

'You weren't... sedated?'

'I was, but I came out of it a lot earlier.'

'And the handcuffs?'

Tony smirked like a trapped shark. 

'I might have tried to hack into the ship.'

Despite himself, Steve smiled back at him, warmth flooding his chest.

 

It wasn't long before one of the walls slid open and another forcefield came up. Beyond it, there was an alien. Steve wasn't new to them - he remembered Thor with a lot of fondness and the Chiaturi with none. But there was a difference between them and the big, translucent blue jellybean sliding towards them. It left a sheer, shiny residue as it moved. Its tentacles - because of course it had tentacles, all over it - were twitching. Its mouth was a huge gaping black hole, black like its eyes with no irises. 

It was flanked by a spiky almost neon creature that walked in four spider-like legs and had four arms, and a floating... well, it looked pretty much like a gigantic floating bunny. Steve wished he could say he had seen stranger things, but the truth is that he hadn't.

'Greetings, Captain!', the thing said, shaking all its tentacles at the same time. It looked happy, so he couldn't help but be polite.

'Hm. Greetings. Uh. I don't know your name.'

'I am Vornard, the steerer of this ship.'

Tony snorted. The alien dignifiedly paid it no mind.

'We welcome you aboard and apologize for the inconvenience. We misjudged how much sedative you'd need. We thought you stronger.'

They knew about the serum. Okay. That was weird. He crossed his arms.

'Who are you?'

'As I said, my name is...'

Steve shook his head. 'Not you. Your people. We haven't seen your kind before.'

'Oh, I had forgotten about your primitive ways. We forgive your ignorance. We're the all-powerful Oolins. Builders of burrows. Shepherds of stars.'

Tony rolled his eyes. 'Okay, Steward of Gondor - why have you kidnapped us?'

'Oh, we haven't. That'd be very rude.'

'Could've fooled me,' Tony said, shaking his handcuffs.

'You're free to go home.'

'Then take us home.'

'Well, I will be honest, it is a little bit complicated. You see, I told my leader I'd bring the famed Avengers to her end of the solar cycle party.'

'Please tell me we're not the main course.'

Steve glared at Tony and his mania for making things worse. The alien tittered.

'Of course not! We would not devour distinguished dignitaries.'

'If you're not eating us as a galactic delicacy, then what the fuck do you want with us? You don't want me tinkering, that's for sure,' Tony said, raising his hands again. 'And that's my best party trick.'

'Sabotage is usually punished by death, Mr. Stark,' another of the aliens said. 'You should be grateful I stopped our Chief Engineer.'

'Tell your Chief Engineer his work sucks and that he needs to improve fuel efficiency.'

Vornard lifted one of his tentacles.

'Please, Staniel, do not provoke them.' The spiky alien bowed his head. 'Pardon the interruption. You see, in our world, we hunger for your exploits.'

'Word choice. See, Steve? They want to eat us.'

'No, we merely want to witness those renowned Earthian rituals of romance..'

'Of what?' they both said.

'As we understood it from the reports, you are the two leaders of Earth's army.'

'We're not an army. And I wasn't the leader,' Tony said. Quickly, too quickly.

'Oh, is that the case? Our boss will be ... displeased.'

There was something menacing about the way the alien's tentacles caressed the forcefield that kept Tony captive.

'And his displeasure usually carries unpleasant consequences.'

'So what? You want us to fight, then. Space Gladiators?'

'Do you think us Sakaarian? We would never make two mated warriors fight against each other. That'd be against all known rules. No, we merely want to observe the celebrated ceremony of seduction.'

His brain stubbornly refused to admit that he was hearing what he was hearing.

'You want us to fuck,' Tony said. And there went Steve's denial.

'Oh, my friends. That is such a coarse way to put it, but yes. We want to see the famed festivity of fucking.'

There was nothing Steve could say to that and Tony, for once, seemed to have shut up. Was it that preposterous, that even Tony Stark wouldn't joke about it? Had Tony never considered it? 

The aliens were leaving, apparently satisfied and the wall closed behind them. Steve closed his eyes. He was probably asleep. This couldn't be happening. 

'Well, that was not the type of alien threat I was picturing,' Tony said.

Steve erupted in hysterical giggling. How many times had he pictured it? Fucking Tony, being with him again, making jokes together again? Tony smiling softly, their fingers intertwined and for once, them being on the same page. 

And how many times have aliens featured? None. It was a mockery of everything he had wanted and hadn't dared to take.

Tony didn't laugh. Instead, his eyes were closed and his chest went up and down quickly.

'Tony? Are you okay?'

'Oh, just peachy. You know, planning to be fucked by Captain America and then eaten by aliens.'  


Because of course fucking Steve and being eaten were about equally disgusting. He willed his emotions to disappear, not for the first time.

It worked. He walked closer to the forcefield.

'I... _we_ need to find a plan, Tony. Some way to avoid this.'

'I'm a little bit inconvenienced at the moment, Cap.'

'You're Tony Stark. This won't stop you,' he said and he hoped he sounded as convinced as he felt.

He laid on the floor and for the first time in months, he slept well, listening to Tony's rambling about how impossible the ship technology was. Steve knew, deep inside his bones, that this is where he belonged. Maybe he could still fight for it. Maybe he still stood a chance.

 

He woke up when the ship started trembling and he was thrown against the wall. He knelt and then stood up. Nothing seemed broken.

He glanced over his shoulder. Tony hadn't moved, because he was chained to the floor, but he had hit his head against his wall. Steve had heard the thud. He was about to ask if he was okay when Tony started talking.

'I think we've arrived, Steve. To their home planet or whatever.'

The wall slid open again but this time it was only the spider alien, Staniel. The forcefield was also gone. He took a step forward, preparing to lunge. He wasn't handcuffed. He could reduce him easily.

'I wouldn't,' Staniel said.

Steve didn't change position but didn't move either.

'You're not afraid?'

'You could run, but we'd catch you. And even if you found a ship, you wouldn't be able to pilot it.'

Despite the alien's words, the technology wasn't as unfamiliar as Steve thought it'd be. In fact, it looked the way he had imagined the future back in the 40s. And Tony had managed to hack it. So there was a big chance they could actually use it.

But the aliens didn't need to know that.

He put his hands up and Tony nodded imperceptibly. Good. They were on the same page.

That was a novelty. 

Followed by Staniel, they left the cellblock. Tony was still handcuffed, but at least his feet were free now. They were in a hangar, with small craft landing and taking off every few seconds. They looked like really metallic hummingbirds.

'Well, at least they have flying cars here,' he said, to nobody in particular.

He could have sworn he had _heard_ Tony roll his eyes.

They didn't cross the city or fortress or whatever it was on foot. Instead, they were shoved into some sort of train that moved at speeds Steve didn't want to think about. He sat down - the seat was plushier than it looked like - and observed the crowd.

No two aliens he saw looked the same - different colors and sizes, some had fur, some had scales, some had exoskeletons; some had two legs, some had none and some were eldritch abominations. Was this some sort of colony? Or a trade hub? Could they get passage to Earth? Did aliens even visit Earth when they weren't trying to conquer it?

Before he could decide whether or not to ask Staniel, the train stopped. The crowd took off and so did they. Just outside the train, there was an impressive pair of doors in front of them. They were above ten feet tall and Steve couldn't help but appreciate the golden intricate bas-relief of something that looked like a giant praying mantis with two heads. Its six eyes were lit up and Steve could swear its mouth moved.

Not for the last time, Steve wondered whether Tony was right and the aliens were going to eat them.

Staniel emitted a whirring sound that hurt Steve's ears and Tony failed to notice. The arms of the praying mantis moved up leaving enough space for them to cross the threshold. Steve had to hold back a gasp.

The room they entered was big and it had vaulted ceilings, so tall Steve couldn't tell what the bas-relief on them was. All he could say was that it was twirly and intricate. Like swarming ants, aliens slid across the marble-like floor. Some were colorful, some were grey, some spiky but they all were weird.

Steve's eyes were drawn to a platform raised in the center of the room. A slender alien stood on top of it, with three big eyes on the top of its head and then folds of translucent skin that fell down like a dress or like a jellyfish. It changed colors every time it moved. Staniel emitted the same sound and then the jellyfish alien stood still for a second, before moving swiftly towards them. The crowd parted in respect bowing their heads as it went past.

Vornard had slid next to them almost silently and then moved in front of them. It bowed and then opened its huge mouth. Its stentorious voiced reverberated across the room.

'Oh, beloved Luusk G'lin, Navigator of Nebulae and Grower of Galaxies,' it said, with its tentacles swarming around Luusk's folds. 'I have brought, as promised, as sworn, as guaranteed, the armored artificer and the powerful patriot. Indeed, these virile warriors will no doubt please you and the crowd.'

Luusk was now in front of them, floating and tittering and... he would have sworn it was giggling. Vornard hadn't lifted its head.

'I am indeed flabbergasted, stupefied, astonished, Vornard, Steerer of Ships, Vendor of Victuals. Nobody in the entire pod thought you would be capable of such a coup, such a triumph, such a caper. We are impressed, thrilled, flattered.'

The crowd nodded and whispered. Steve shifted his weight from one foot to the other. His fists were itching for a fight. Luusk opened its folds and envolved Vornard. 

'You will live, endure, survive another day, then, Vornard.' Luusk laughed again, an argent, twinkly sound and it tightened its folds around Vornard. 'Which pains me, oh, it does. I was assured you'd be delicious, delectable, decadent.'

'See, told you. They want to eat us,' Tony whispered. Low enough for nobody else to hear. He tried not to laugh. Who knew what kind of offense it could cause.

Luusk twisted its… head and laughed even harder. It let go of Vornard, who slinked down to the side of the room. It looked paler.

'Oh, no, I would never guzzle down, gulp down, gobble up a guest. You are here only to enjoy our hospitality and then hail back, unharmed, untouched, unscathed, to your hazardous home.'

Steve bit his lip. A torrent of laughter threatened to climb up his chest. Probably a nervous reaction. He clenched down his teeth. He'd get to punch aliens soon enough.

Tony stepped forward and bowed. He took a fold and kissed it. 'And how are we to enjoy your... hospitality, lovely Luusk?'

It played with its folds around Tony but didn't engulf him. Good. Steve wouldn't have been able to stand that one.

'Oh, partake in our party and then savor the suite we have prepared in our moon. We have been sadly, regrettably, woefully unable to reproduce the honey.''

He bit down his tongue and tasted blood. He was starting to believe he was dreaming. Tony groaned and didn't roll his eyes. Steve was sure that had taken all of Tony's will.

Steve opened his mouth. 'Well, we're not.... we don't...'

Luusk's eyes narrowed. Tony held Steve's hand and kissed it.

'We haven't gone on a honeymoon yet. I assure you we are pleased.'

Tony smiled, dazzlingly. Somehow, he looked like he belonged. Steve just nodded.

'May I inquire how will we reach this marvelous moon?'

'Oh, Vornard will take you there in his ship,' Luusk said, with a dismissive twist of its folds. For an alien, it had very familiar body language.

'But your Steership, you had indicated that if I succeeded I'd...' Vornard screeched sliding back to the center of the room.

'You have not succeeded, Vornard, until I have witnessed the ritual.'

Right. The ritual. His stomach lurched, twisted, jumped.

'It is not something that has an audience,' he said, letting go of Tony's hand.

Tony put a hand on his arm and pinched him.

'But we will make an exception, your Steership, for the great Luusk G'lin,' he said.

Steve tried to talk, but couldn't. Maybe lying was the best choice.

'Is this where you dance? I was assured it was part of your rituals by the one they call the Starlord.'

Tony opened his mouth and then wisely shut it. They'd find out who the Starlord was some other day.

Mechanically, Steve turned around until he was eye to eye with Tony. He put his hand on Tony's waist. It fit perfectly and he wanted to grip it tight and leave a bruise so Tony couldn't forget this, couldn't forget him.

The music started - it was some old recording, even older than himself and he wondered, again, how these aliens had gotten it -. Tony was, to his surprise, easy to guide, for once pliant in his hands, following Steve's lead. He got lost in Tony's warm brown eyes, staring at the crease between his brows and the way his lips pursed when he was concentrating.

The music stopped and so did they, but Steve didn't take off his hands. Tony didn't either.

And if he could believe his ears, some of the aliens were… sobbing, Luusk included. He was about to tell something to Tony - he didn't even know what - when some of the aliens approached them.

'We have been your fans since you defeated the Chitauri. It was certainly something wondrous,' one of them said. It was furry and star-shaped and didn't seem to have a mouth.

'Oh, indeed,' a snake with way too many feet and way, way too many eyes said. 'What a wonderful wonder to see such a backward, primitive, defenseless underdog beat the most powerful army in the galaxy. It was a treat not unlike that time Jimberlan won the Galactic Series after being three lock-downs away from losing.'

'Oh, the greatest match in centuries, that was,' the furry star said.

'Are you interested in sports, on the planet you call Earth?'

Tony nodded sagely.

'We are indeed, but I'm sure Jimberlan was a better player than all of Earth's combined.'

The snake waved all its hands. 'Oh, he was. The least you could expect from an AI, especially one as expensive as he was. Nearly broke his home system, but their gamble paid off.'

'What can you tell us about your moon?' Tony said suddenly. 'Any romantic places to visit?'

'Oh, clearly the volcano paths and the beautiful geysers at sunset. The legend says that if one of you dies, then it wasn't true love.'

Tony tsked. 'We're done with extreme tourism. It is not for people our age. These days we want to lean back, drink some cocktails and enjoy the sun.'

'Surely the sulfur streams then,' the furry star said. 'Great for bathing and a great view of its shimmering waters. Legend says that its hallucinations are true portents of the future.'

'Hm, we'll write those down, won't we, honey?'

Tony smiled at him. It was a small smile, almost sincere. Steve nodded like a very stupid husband and tried to keep the heartbreak out of his face.

Tony slid closer to him. 'You can speak, you know, darling?'

'I'd rather let you do the talking,' he managed to mumble out.

'He's such a big dork. Always so awkward with words.'

That was Tony's hand grabbing his ass. He jumped.

'Can't say the same for bed. He's a true beast there. Powerful and untamed.''

'Tony!'

'Oh, shush,' Tony said, putting his finger over Steve's lips. 'Don't play the innocent, love..'

Every word out of Tony's mouth hurt his heart the same way the sulfur streams would probably hurt his skin. Hell, he would take those and the volcano paths over another fifteen minutes at that party.

Tony's thumb traced Steve's lips and it was like the world disappeared. Then Tony, with half-lidded eyes and the trace of a smile, kissed him.

It was a mere touch, but then there was a screech.

'The ritual! It cannot commence here!' Vornard said.

Steve didn't even notice when he was pushed out of the room and towards the ship. Blood was rushing to his ears and the world was blurry.

Tony had kissed him and that was all that mattered.

 

The shuttle was a luxurious chrome contraption that looked like it came out of some pulp magazine. Steve was ready to be charmed, but seconds after the door shut closed, their old friend Staniel handcuffed Tony again. 

'No funny business,' it said and sat on the pilot chair. 

He had more of a chance to look at the handcuffs now - they were held together by the same kind of forcefield that their cells had had. It was going to be difficult to take them off.

He explored the small vessel. There were a few seats and long, wide windows. Through them, he could see a busy city that looked like a marble anthill with small ships buzzing around .

Tony sat down and lounged on what looked like some sort of very angular chaise lounge. It didn't look comfortable, so Steve remained standing, leaning against the wall.

'I still wonder how your translation interfaces work,' Tony said. His shirt had ridden up and now there was a strip of skin exposed. Steve tried to keep his eyes away from it but failed.

'Nanites re-working your neural pathways,' Staniel said as he pushed buttons and lowered levers. 'Do not worry, they will become inert off-system.'

Steve didn't find that too reassuring. Were they going to stay inside his brain? What if they controlled him?

Tony lifted his eyes and looked at Steve. Suddenly nothing else mattered.

'Well, not the best jet I've taken, but definitely not the worst.'

'It's better than what I've been riding lately.'

Tony didn't ask anything.

'So where are we going, Staniel darling?' he said instead when the shuttle took off without making any sound.

'To your honeymoon, so Luusk can observe you in your natural habitat.'

Steve laughed. Of course. Hotel rooms in places he didn't recognize were his natural habitat by then.

Tony ignored him and pointedly stared at Staniel's back.

'She'll join us there?'

'No, there is a very advanced surveillance system. We will all watch you. Your rituals are of much interest in this system.'

It was as if they were monkeys being filmed for the aliens' entertainment. It would at least explain their odd celebrity status. Were there alien spies reporting back? How many other planets knew about Earth?

For the first time, Steve understood Tony's paranoia. But was it really paranoia if they were out to get you? Or if you were so irrelevant you didn't even matter? He thought of Earth, a fragile blue orb floating somewhere very far away, and clenched his teeth. They'd go back and they'd protect it. Even if Steve had to bite back his bile and work something out with Tony. They had to do it together or not at all.

'That's creepy. That's very very creepy,' Tony was saying. 'You should all see some therapists. Has there been an Alien-mund Freud already? It seems like your people are rife for some weird unconscious, wanna-fuck-my-mother action. You certainly have the deviant part all figured out.'

'We do not have mothers.'

Out of all the things to focus on, Steve thought, but said nothing. The vessel was gaining altitude fast and the city was becoming smaller and smaller.

The sky was blue, but not a shade Steve had ever seen, and filled with unknown stars. He could almost appreciate the beauty of it.

'No sexual reproduction? Parthenogenesis? Spores? What is it? '

'The World Tree gives birth to us and then we evolve through our choices and our needs. It is a sacred path, a higher way.'  
**Tony sat up, blinking fast.**

****

****

'Wait, you mean all of you are the same species? Everybody we saw that the party?''

'Of course. It is unlike your species' utter blandness. Each of us is tailored to one purpose only and it takes us our entire first lifetime to figure it out. Then we cocoon and emerge again, changed for the better, finally ready to enrich our community.'

'And what's your purpose?'

Staniel stood still for a while and then finally answered.

'I'm a Weedkiller.'

'You take care of the lawn?'

'I stand guard over the World Tree and I weed out the weak, so the Oolin remain strong.'

Right. He had been kidnapped by alien voyeuristic _Nazis_.

'That doesn't sound very nice and is also contradicted by Vornard's being alive,' Tony said, unfazed.

'Vornard's good at what he does. He's a slimy salesman.'

'Oh. Your World Tree likes puns, then.'

'He does not. He is not easily amused.'

'Neither are you, my friend.'

Staniel didn't dignify that with an answer.

 

It wasn't long before they landed in another hangar. They weren't outside, but Steve could see a pink-ish sky through the glass ceiling. The building was as big the Tower's penthouse - which was still Steve's benchmark for luxury, even after all those years. 

In fact, Steve noticed, it pretty much was the common area of the Tower, at least the first level. They had copied it down to every last detail and Steve wondered, again, where had they gotten all their information and how could it be so accurate and yet so wrong.

Had they infiltrated SHIELD as well? Had he worked with aliens and didn't know it? Once he got back, he'd talk to T'Challa and start investigating. They needed to be prepared. At least with that, he was sure, Tony would help.

Staniel didn't stop at the first level and instead guided them up some stairs, towards the second floor. It didn't look like the Tower anymore. A huge bed, comfortable and full of pillows, laid in the middle of a circular room. There was a table with champagne and roses and lit candles all around. He even saw red petals strewn around the lush white carpet. 

Staniel bowed and left, leaving Tony and Steve alone with the awkwardness. There wasn't much they could do, so he stepped forward and sat on the bed.

Tony followed and then started speaking.

'So. They have cameras. Probably sound feeds as well.'

Steve put his head in his hands. He hoped it was a dream or a nightmare. Maybe Wanda's powers had gone haywire. It was better than the alternative.

'I don't think we can… I think we need to give them what they want.'

He peered through his fingers, wordlessly.

'No need to be desperate. All they want is a show. We should give it to them. Distract them.'

Tony was leaning closer. His lips were inches away from Steve's. Closer than he had ever been on Earth. Almost as close as Steve had always wanted him to be.

He whimpered and brought Tony closer, finally kissing him. The second their lips met again, something broke inside Steve. So there was an audience and it wasn't even on Earth, but Steve had lost too many chances to care. 

Unaware of how Steve was feeling, Tony climbed on top of his lap and then whispered something against his lips.

'Keep kissing me. I have a plan, but they can't listen.'

Steve wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Tony was just playing it up and feeling nothing, while Steve was like a drowning man grasping for air. Tony's legs were around Steve's waist and Tony kept kissing him, intent on shortcircuiting Steve's thoughts.

'Moan. Loudly,' Tony ordered.

He didn't have to pretend - his moans just escaped his mouth, just like his hands just grabbed Tony's ass on their own. There was a quiet yelp and then Tony's lips wandered down his neck, talking against it.

It tickled.

'The shuttle. Let's go on a trip tomorrow. Punch the pilot. I'll tell you how to pilot it if they use the handcuffs again.'

Steve nodded and tried to get away. They had the plan. It was done.

Tony's eyes flashed with hurt and Steve froze. Then he lifted his hand and touched Tony's cheek. Tony put his own hand over it and smiled.

'No, soldier, we need to finish this. It's been too long.''

Tony dragged him down to the bed and then Steve put his arms around Tony's waist and turned them around. Tony was beautiful, lying down below him. His hair was mussed and his eyes were soft.

'There's… there's so much I need to tell you.'

It was wrong. It was taking advantage. It was lying to Tony like he always did.

'Do it later, now don't stop,' Tony said and then he rubbed his crotch against Steve.

He froze again, because Tony was hard, just as hard as Steve was. Something like understanding dawned behind Tony's lashes and something like hope blossomed inside Steve's chest.

For a second, the universe stood still as Steve's reality rearranged itself. Had he been blind? Or was Tony just interested in… sex? But even that was more than Steve had ever hoped for. Even just having one night would be enough.

Would it?

'The audience needs a show, Steve,' Tony said then, his voice changing. It was sultrier but it was also more honest.

Time started moving again as Tony's hands wandered down Steve's back. One laid there, on the small of his back, the other wandered back to Steve's zipper. He lowered it and then took Steve's cock out. 

'Didn't think you were this selfish,' Tony said, tilting his head.

Steve, again, felt his chest tighten. He wanted this probably more than he had ever wanted anything and his body couldn't move. With his free hand, Tony dragged Steve down to kiss him, just as he started stroking Steve's cock.

That woke Steve up - he fumbled with Tony's zipper and then there it was. Tony's cock. After so much time imagining it, it was unlike any of his fantasies but also better at the same time. It was heavy on his hand and he could smell the precome.

He put his fingers around it. Tony's back arched.

'I... I... missed this.'

It had never happened, but Steve understood. Their bodies were sliding together in one rhythm as if they had done this one or a hundred times before. Perfectly in unison and for once, when Steve looked into Tony's eyes, all he saw was love and acceptance and understanding.

They were gonna ruin it probably, but for an instant, it was perfect.

He felt Tony's hand around his dick and the friction was amazing. Tony's mouth was insistent against his and the heat inside him built up until he came with a low growl.

Tony's cock pulsed in Steve's hand and then there was wetness and warmth and Tony's gorgeous moans as he came.

Steve let himself fall over Tony. They didn't talk. What could they say they hadn't said already? He held Tony close in silence and kissed his brow.

Then Tony smiled at him.

'I think we need to keep kissing,' he said. 'Those aliens need convincing.'

 

When Steve woke up, he was still in perfect bliss. If it was a hallucination, he didn't want to leave. Not when Tony was curled against him, naked and bruised after a night of love. He knew Earth needed them and there were people he wanted to see again. But a part of him wanted to stay and care only about kissing Tony.

Something coughed. Staniel was there. Steve blushed crimson.

'Nice performance,' he said and Steve shuddered. Everybody had seen it, even if Steve hadn't really realized it the night before. 'The shuttle is down at the hangar. I will wait for you there.'

He shook Tony awake. Tony had barely opened his eyes when he drew Steve into a kiss. It was slow and explorative, like all their kisses the night before. It was as if they had time to love each other.

He almost let himself be lulled back to sleep or back to fucking, but they had a plan to go over. He slid away from Tony, got out of bed and then took Tony in his arms.

'Okay. I could get used to this,' Tony said against his chest.

'You'll have to earn it.'

It was nice, to pretend they had a future back home, Steve thought as he sauntered over to the shower. Between moans and kisses, they went over their plan again. They had only one shot, so it had to be perfect.

And watching Tony came under the light of day wasn't too bad either.

They took their clothes and came down the stairs. Tony went to the kitchen and started opening cupboards.

'What are you doing?', Staniel asked.

'Haven't you heard of picnics, dear friend? It's a ritual from Earth. And Steve eats a lot.'

Steve nodded and started carrying food and water to the shuttle. Staniel stood guard next to the door, crossing half his legs over his chest.

'This does not seem to fit the energy spending parameters we analyzed.''

'It's the sex. It makes us hungry,' Tony said as he went inside the shuttle, his arms full of fruit.

Tony threw himself on the seats again and started pushing buttons around until he got to a holographic map of the moon with all the tourist spots marked down. It would be helpful to navigate.

He also immediately started annoying Staniel with questions.

'And what about the Lymphal Looms? The guide here says it's a must-see, but Steve here isn't so much into museums.'

Steve took his post hovering near Staniel. He tried to memorize the button patterns, but they seemed to be random and designed for something with way more legs than Steve had.

'They're a classic example of Late Folliage Era architecture. I would go. My podmate loved it.'

'Oh, so you're married?'

'She's a genetic match.'

'Very romantic. Steve and I here... we're star-crossed lovers. Always at odds, yet always drawn to each other. It's some epic shit.'

Steve wished, for a second, Tony wasn't lying. Maybe star-crossed lovers was the best he could get, but it'd be better than nothing.

Tony kept playing with the buttons. Staniel's legs all twitched. The fourth time he was hit with an ice tray coming out of the wall, he turned around with a swift movement and handcuffed Tony again.

In the end and after like a hundred questions, they decided to go somewhere called the Harvesting Hub. They crossed over some surreal plains filled with blue grass and giant grasshoppers until the shuttle got close to what looked like some old, dilapidated mud hive that was about as tall as the Empire State.

'Well, that's one good example of… natural engineering. It looks very… structurally sound,' Tony said.

Staniel stood up a little straighter. 'It is the origin of all our might and all our wisdom. We crawled out of it centuries ago and we keep it to remind us of our birth.'

'A standing promise to never go back to mud huts? Yeah, that's smart.'

'No, a reminder that united we stand stronger,' Staniel said with an edge of steel to his voice.

'I'm not really getting how it stands upright. I would love to analyze it. For example, what's that pillar for?' Tony asked.

Staniel leaned towards the window and Steve didn't lose any time. Ripping out one of the seats, he hit Staniel across the back and then over the head. The alien fell to the floor with a thud.

'Okay. Hit that switch first.'

Steve did and the door slid open. They were still hovering, but they weren't too high up. Grass looked soft. Staniel would probably survive.

Without much ceremony, Steve threw him off the ship.

'No need to be a show-off, muscles.'

He smirked. 'It was the fastest way.'

'Stop it and sit down right now, we don't have much time before he wakes up and gives the alarm.'

'Wait. Let's take off your handcuffs.'

'I don't have my armor so no laser. What do you…?'

Without waiting for Tony's approval, he repeated the sequence he had seen Staniel input when they had arrived at the honeymoon suite. The handcuffs came off and fell to the ground.

'When did you…?'

'Last night. He was stupid enough to let me see.'

'So I can pilot it, then.'

Steve sat on the chaise lounge and waited for Tony to start the engine. It wasn't long before the familiar cursing began.

'What's wrong?'

'He had too many legs.'

'... and?'

'The controls. They're designed for four arms.'

'And there's two of us.'

Tony turned around. 'Do you think we can… drive together? Seriously?' 

Steve walked towards Tony and nodded. 'Tell me what to do.'

'And you'll listen to me? That's a first,' Tony said, something like longing in his voice.

'I trust you.'

Tony lowered his head and then shook it.

'I can't really believe that.'

'Try me,' he said, grabbing Tony's chin and making him look at Steve's eyes. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes again. If there was the smallest chance Tony could forgive him, he'd do anything. 'I know I've hurt you. And you've hurt me too. But I know we're better together, Tony. Last night proved that.'

Tony clenched his fists.

'Only because our lives depend on it.'

It wasn't what he expected, but it was better than nothing.

 

As complicated as the console was and as alien the tech felt, it wasn't long before they pushed the last button. The shuttle shook and then there was a swish sound and time stretched and then there were millions of stars around them.

Steve gasped.

'Wow. It's beautiful,' he muttered.

Tony punched the air.

'That's it! We're now off planet'.

'Told you we could work together.'

Tony shrugged. 'There's a first time for everything.'

Steve put his hand on Tony's shoulder. 

'You know it isn't the first time.'

'I guess you're right.'

They stood silent and still for a while, but Steve didn't know what to say. He looked out the window.

'But this isn't Earth.'

'This ship can't fly long enough for that, but we have air and food and a course. We'll get there in a week or two.'

' _Tony._ '

'It was a risk worth taking.'

He felt anger uncoil inside him but he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes.

With some effort, he went and sat on the chaise lounge again. He took another deep breath before talking.

'I know. I would have agreed. But let me know next time so I can bring a book.'

Tony followed him and leaned back against the seat. 

'Right. Long trip. Have any ideas?'

Steve slid closer to Tony.

'I might have a few.'

**Author's Note:**

> The aliens are nice to them, but it's implied they watch them fuck through the surveillance system. The sex is consensual.


End file.
